Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Quick Update..

Hello my ♥'s. ..I know, I've been missing for almost a week or so. Not for any specific reasons, I just needed time away to get some things done for myself. And I did. I gotta admit, it felt pretty good to get away from everything and just focus on ME for once. Not worrying about what everyone else is doing, or trying to live up to what certain people expect of me. Don't be suprised if I disappear again. For a week I've only communicated with two people, and I liked it waaay too much! I've had a lot of time to think about everything, but mostly about what I wanna do with myself, and I came up with some pretty good things that I know I can put in to action rather than just talking about it. So I won't speak on it now. I'll share with you guys at a later date, I promise. Or, better yet, just wait and see! You guys will be the first to know. ..maybe the second. =]

Another reason why I haven't come to this blog of mine is because I'm tired of looking at it. lol. I don't like things to be the same for too long. Ask me how many times I've completely erased everything off of my myspace just because I was tired of looking at it. For some reason, I feel like if I don't wanna see it then ya'll definitely don't! I haven't been able to sit down and fix my blog because I've been using my mother's laptop ever since mine died on me[literally], and she doesn't have paint shop on here. I have the cd to put it on, but I have no idea where the damn serial number is so the cd is pretty much useless at this point. I bought it in `06, that serail number can be in the garbage for all I know. I'm trying out the newest one now. So far, so good. I guess I'll just have to buy the upgrade.

On another note, my mom just called me from work, and told me she got my father's medical record today. He died in 2000. I was 11 at the time, about to be 12..and I never really got the details of what happened to him. All I know is that he had a stroke. I guess everyone was just trying to protect my feelings because I was so young. Obviously, I'm older now. So I can finally know exactly what happened. I don't really know if I want to know, but.. She's gonna bring it home tonight so we can read it together. She told me what she read so far, and I already felt my heart breaking. Lately, I've been so happy, and doing everything I can to hold on to that.. and after talking to her just now, for the first time in a long time, I just feel sad. It's a different kind of sad though. I can't really put it into words. But if it comes to it, I'll just shed my tears and move on. I feel like I'm gonna be brought back to that day when she picked me up from school and told me he was in the hospital. I don't know, I believe that im a pretty strong girl..Well, I know I am. But, I guess you could say that my father is my weakness. We were so close. Anybody that knows me knows how close me and my mom are, well me and my dad were even closer. He loved and spoiled to me to no end. And, even though I'm almost grown, I miss that. I miss him! But, I know that I'll always have his heart, and I'll always be his little girl. I also know that I am who I am because of who he was. And although I've been slacking lately, I will not fail to make him proud! Stay tuned..


Jervis said...

there you, just strive to make him proud. Thats all. I know you miss everything, and I can only imagine how you feel

Remul said...

god bless u

FLYBOIZ said...

i want the inside scoop before these bloggin motherfuckers
and now i know why you been duckin my calls
and im mad you said qadir told you bout tanisha

Crys said...

lmaoo, he did! I had just watched the video on youtube when you texted me! Byee.

&& Mmmkay, I tell you before I blog. But, not yet!!

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