Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Worst day of my life, last day of his.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.. and I have moments throughout the year that I miss him so much that I just break down, but today, on this day, I can't seem to focus on anything else. I can't help but to feel anything but sad. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry today. I'm gonna try to keep that promise.

It's been 9 years. You'd think it'd be easier, but it's really not.. It still hurts the same as it did on this day in 2000. I think me being so young[but old enough to realize] makes it worst because I'm always wondering how my life would've been different. I'm almost positive that I'd be a different person. I think he would've been so over protective of me that I would've been forced to rebel. [I say this because I remember how he was with my sisters.] But, because I had some freedom, I wasn't interested in doing things that most girls my age did or snuck around to do. Of course, now, I do what I want and still, certain things just don't catch my interest..

I had a dream recently, that I was sitting down talking to him, as an adult. The conversation was pretty cloudy, I can't remember what was said.. But, I was so mad when I woke up. Sometimes I wanna cry when I dream about him and the dream gets interrupted. I think if I could go to sleep and live a dream that he's in forever, I would. That would probably mean giving up all of the people I love that are with me now. I still say I'd do it.

Hmm? I don't know.
But, since I can't be with him, all I can do is hope he's resting in peace.

I'm about to go and try to enjoy this spring-like weather!![and hopefully get my mind off of things] I'm sure it'll be back to 2 degrees next week.



?? said...

hey hunny, keep your head up

Jervis said...

sorry for the loss. i mean its something that will go away, but know that he is with u

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